How many of us make resolutions and forget about what they even were by the end of the year? What can actually happen when we carry out that resolution for the rest of the year without wavering. Well for me it made all the difference.
I never made a New Year resolution till my fortieth year of existence, wonder why I gave in just at that point. Perhaps, because curiosity got the better of me, questions like: what would my ‘bucket list’ of resolutions look like? Would I be able to live up to the expectations of the self, from the self? How long would I be able to abide by a resolution? And so on and so forth.
Countless doubts. Countless reassurances. But then there was the New Year, and there was my resolution. Just one to begin with was a fair target for me. And what pray was it? To write down life-changing moments at the end of each day on a slip of paper: moments, which brought pure happiness, moments that reminded one of how blessed one was, moments which mattered to one’s integrity and identity, and moments which brought about change – not only for myself but for those for whom it mattered.
As I began my daily ritual, reflecting on the day gone by, pondering on the moments it entailed, filtering the ‘special’ ones, writing them down on slips of paper and ‘depositing’ them in a long-forgotten cookie jar, I felt rejuvenated – a kind of a release, a kind of gratitude, and a kind of a humility towards the higher being, towards the universe.
It may sound philosophical, but how many of us find the time to adopt the attitude of gratitude. Not that it takes much time, but, perhaps, the inculcation of the habit of pausing and rewinding is something we may not have tried often, if not at all.
As the months flew by, which happens quite often in life, the jar began to fill, as did my heart. I tried never to miss a day. And, if I did, I tried to recall the previous day bit by bit. It soon became a habit. I began to look forward towards the end of the year, as autumn began to set in. The chits included experiences, people met and re-met, moments with loved ones, achievements, acquirements, accolades, journeys, and so on…whatever had brought joy to the heart and the soul.
As December drew to an end, I just did not want to open the jar and have a relook at chits – they just sat so proud, as a group, in the jar. So, there came the end of the year, and the beginning of the new one, and the jar remained untouched.
The first week of the New Year went by, as did the second, and then I lost a dear and near soul…that is when I decided to open to the jar, take out the chits, count my blessings and overcome the grief.
One by one they toppled out, some intertwined with the others, just like our lives do. I began to read them, one by one…reliving each chit, till I was mentally and emotionally tired…but in a good way…how many blessings go by without being accounted for? How many things we take for granted? And how much in life changes over a short span of time.
As I finished my task, I sat back and felt the tears sting my eyes, for that is when I realized one grave truth, I had so much read about, but never really assimilated and absorbed: nothing, nothing at all, remains forever. Everything comes with an expiry date: relationships, achievements, accolades, good and bad times and fortunately so, I would say-when I started filtering the chits, I realized that the only unchangeable ones were the ones etched in the past, that neither had any impact on the future, nor existed in the present, but fully compliment the past. I learnt yet another truth: the past is not such a taboo to live with, as long as it supports the present and prepares for the future.
The past can be very reassuring sometimes; as nothing can erase it…it is an integral part of a journey that remains till the end…perhaps the only thing that does.