April 14, 2017
It was on May 9,2014, it had started. The day my class 12 results came. The time when the results were out, I was writing one of my medical entrance exams. I had to keep my hopes high. After the exam I learned that my overall score was good, but my Biology score was low. Hearing that tears started rolling down my cheeks. For the next five minutes, everything went blank. I wasn’t able to recall a thing that happened in that five minutes. When I came back to my senses, I was in a car on my way home. My eyes were wet with tears and my mouth went dry. I didn’t know how to react. For the next two days, there was only one thought going through my head- what am I supposed to do? This was the last hope I had and it got shattered. I didn’t think of anything those two years, except my medical seat and striving as hard as I could to get through. I felt my entire energy put into in those two years has gone vain. A sense of guilt prevailed. The guilt was so bad that I stopped talking to people around me or atleast respond to. No phone calls. No messages. No friends. Everyone seemed happy with my scores. In fact they were overwhelmed. But what am I to do with those scores-nothing. Nothing at all. This was a heart-break. The first (probably the last one) heart-break. Till then I heard of heart-breaks due to love failure and did not exactly know what it feels like. Those two-days made me realise and most importantly understand what a heart-break really feels like. One thing that dawned upon me after those two days is “Nothing is permanent”, not even heart-breaks.
The third day, May 11,2014, I woke my mom at 3 a.m. just to tell her that I have decided to do engineering. She thought that I was dreaming and told me that it’s fine to take some days to decide on what I had to do next. Thinking that I was satisfied with the reasoning she gave, she went back to sleep and so did I. The next morning when I told her that we are going to get the application form, she looked at me puzzled, because engineering was not at all an option that I even considered. I hated the thought of thinking about engineering previously that I decided to do anything but engineering. And when she asked me what stream I would choose, without a second thought I told that would opt for Computer Science. By this statement, she decided that I have really gone out of sense the past two days and that now I’ll need a psychological treatment for my choice I made. It’s because Computer Science is one such field that I detested from my childhood. When I convinced her that it’s a choice that I made after giving a lot of thought into it, we finally went to get the application form from the university. Even there, she asked me reconsider my choice giving me an opportunity to take an year break and then try of medical again. But I didn’t want to give my thought a second choice for I knew I will end up confused and take another drastic step. Finally, she gave in.
After three months, there I am in front of the college gate with a call letter in my hand that read “You are admitted in XYZ engineering college in the department of Computer Science and Engineering”. Looking up I uttered three words- “God,Save me”.
On August 4,2014, the nightmare commenced. It’s called Engineering.
P.S.- I still have no idea of what made me decide in the middle of the night what I am to do with life. But trust me, those are the decisions you’ll never regret.
April 14, 2017
April 14, 2017
Stories by Sindhuja T