Yes, I am scared.

Yes, I am scared. I just read this phrase and all the memories that belongs to my past is just in front of my eyes. Received an e-mail from Zentrepreneur to enrol in The Creation Method by Ajit Nawalkha. The phrase says “The scariest moment is always just before you start.”

The first time I was scared at a thought was that how I will manage my money that I will earn? Because the world is full of people who always think that there is more butter on other’s table. It was back in 9th standard when I was about to transit to secondary level education as I was to choose one from medical, non-medical, and commerce to continue my further studies. I was about to choose non-medical and there was a thought across my mind that I will lose commerce in which an individual learns about the flow of money. Although, I chose non-medical and left with the thought in mid-air.

The second time I was scared at a thought was the time when I completed my senior secondary education back in 2008. I was scared to think that in what industry I will develop my surviving skills? How will I survive as an individual? Fortunately, my parents finalized a college to pursue the graduation. Just 160 kilometres away from my permanent residence. And when I turned up for the enrolment, instead of letting me enrol into computer science course, the director made me enrol under civil engineering course. Today, I am a professional civil engineer practicing in multiple domains.

The third time I was scared at a thought was the time when I was approaching to the completion of graduation. I was scared to think that who will hire me with no industry ready skills? With no time left to prepare, how will I adapt and develop my skills? I was hired by a Deputy Project Manager at a under-construction site for free. I was in no mood to let this opportunity slip through my hands. Every day, I use to round-up the whole construction site of 12500 square meters with three commercial towers just to record the names of the workers, their contractors and their daily progress in a register. My job was to report to the project manager about the daily profit and loss as per the wages of the workers. That was the first time where I learned about the concept of rate analysis and project management for a construction site. During that tenure, I was entitled to a monthly stipend of 3000 Indian rupees. Well not a disappointment for me as I don’t require money that time.

The fourth time I was scared at a thought was the time when I was called by my elder sister to inform that my mother is having cancer and doctors told that she won’t survive for long. The thought that came across my mind was that what will be the circumstances if I am left with only one parent that was my dad? I was having my breakfast at McDonalds, Hyderabad. Well this chapter is too long to describe here. My mother climbed the stairs to heaven and always keeps her blessings with us.

The fifth time I was scared at a thought was the time when no option was left for my sister in her marriage. That time, I was thinking that how things will work as we both were to decide for the future. We took a step ahead and decided to file a divorce. Today, my sister is happily married in her second marriage and is also having a girl child.

The sixth time I was scared at a thought was the time when I was about to exchange my old car (Maruti 800) for a new one (Grand i10). The thoughts that were running across my mind were whether I am ready for it or not? How will I repay the bank loan? That was the time when I was completely satisfied with my reporting manager’s opinion. He suggested me to go ahead and he was having the trust that I can do it.

Now I am scared to generate a steady income without performing in a job as I have recently resigned from my current position and looking for opportunities where I will excel. I am left with no money in my bank accounts and in my pocket as well. But still I have faith in me that whatever be the circumstances, I will excel at what I do.

My current position (in notice period) designates me as a Civil/GIS Engineer where I am responsible for technical content development for multi Civil engineering software, technical blogs and development of multi-course curriculum for professional grooming. Apart from that, I am also responsible for professional grooming of enrolled students and professionals. In this job profile, I had grown to the extent that I now possess mid-level expertise in Building Information Modelling, Structural Analysis and Design, and Infrastructure development and I will develop industry ready skills within me with an elite-level expertise.

“The scariest moment is always just before you start.”