Do you have anybody in your life that you think you can't forgive? You know why you can't? It is because you can't forgive yourselves. It is also because you are not OK with yourselves. That is the hard truth. How do you be OK with yourselves?
We are oblivious to life
In 2007, I locked myself up in a room for about 6 months. Only because I did not clear an online exam when I thought I had to, after the hard work I put in. Even when I recovered, I was not being OK with myself for doing a lot of things I considered as bad.
My story is no different from people around me. That is because we are on the same state - of not having understood life. The moment I understood life, I discovered how hard I was making it on myself. The reason I flunked the exam despite my very hard work is because I was just not treating myself like a human. I wanted to be a super human. I am not that. I should try being myself. Who knows who I am? I have always tried living a super human life that I know nothing about myself.
Too young to conclude who we are!
On a family gathering last year, a 4 year old kid in our family said something like, "When I was young..." and we all burst out in laughter. Later I realized there is no wrong age to say this. All of us conclude who we are when we are way too young and just stick to it. That kills the possibility of what we can grow up to.
We conclude our future and live the future based on our past. Our tomorrow is bad as our today because our today is as bad as our yesterday. Only because we chose to do it that way.
We are the ghost of our own past
We all are. Aren't we? Our past possesses us as like a ghost which keeps coming and going based on its own will. There are regular times we are reminding ourselves of the bad things we did. We fool ourselves by saying we don't repent doing anything but that is untrue. We do repent. The past has possessed us and we have become the ghost of our own past.
We can't let go any bit of our past. That includes what we think are our sins. "Oh, I did that, I can't forgive myself" is something everybody has told themselves at least a hundred times.
You may not be as good as you want to be and that's okay
I have given feedback to a lot of people (hence received an equal number of them) and people get extremely emotional when anybody tells them they are doing bad. The reason is, they are unable to accept the fact that someone thinks they are not yet there. The emotion translates to cry, self doubt or hate. None of these are required. All that is required is to tell yourselves, "It is okay that you are not yet there" and also tell yourselves, "I will get there"
Few Things to say to yourselves everyday
That's it. Be OKAY with who you are today and work towards bettering the person in you. If the person in you is not getting there, be okay with it. That is the only way you can remain yourselves.
October 10, 2016
October 10, 2016
Stories by Pradeep Soundararajan