An introverts’ guide to surviving the holiday season

Winter is here bringing festive cheer for all. Wait, make that almost all.

Though this month is about beautiful weather, outdoor dinners, parties, and gatherings, it may not be such a jolly time for everyone. A jam-packed social calendar actually brings on a lot of despair for introverts. 

It feels like a nightmare as they brace for the onslaught of office parties, Secret Santa parties, family dinners, and weddings in the last quarter of the year. 

Already wincing at the thought of this year's upcoming brouhaha? Put aside that despair. There’s actually a complete strategy that can help you navigate the social waters. YS Life gets expert-backed tips for you so it no longer feels like a ‘dread and white season’. 

Nightmarish scenario 

How difficult can a single party be, you’re thinking right? One may be bearable, but add a few more to the count and it can be totally overwhelming for those who identify as introverts. And no, the answer does not lie in simply slinking off into a corner, glass in hand. The pressure to stay in the circle and make small talk can bring up despair, with no way out. 

We have first-hand testimony from those who have been there.

Monal Phalke, Operations Analyst at Michelin India, Pune, who describes herself as a silent person, says she often has a lot of gatherings in this season. 

“There are a whole slew of parties to attend at the end of the year and it’s not easy for me. Last year, I had to attend my cousin’s get-together where the music was loud and I wanted to get away from the place. I am of a person who would enjoy being myself, maybe amidst nature or just relaxing at home.”

Sandesh Mehta*, CEO of a unicorn startup, feels like he’s in choppy waters when he’s at a gathering. 

He admits, “To me, being there is like a nightmare. I generally don’t like to go out, but there are some social obligations. The challenge is trying not to come across as a very detached or unfriendly person. The introverts that I have known end up fumbling for words or small talk.  Proactively engaging with everyone brings up dread for me; I guess you just live through the pain as there’s not much you can do about it.”

Fight to flight mode  

Wondering what to do if you are caught in this predicament? Here’s some learning from ground zero.

Monal shares an idea that is closest at hand – heading into the bathroom. “Whenever I need space, I just go and use the washroom. It makes for a quiet break and a chance to get out of the crowd.” 

She also says if you can’t avoid parties, mental prep can help. 

“I tell myself this is not going to last. I have also started to create boundaries. I set certain timelines for myself, like maybe attending a gathering for an hour and talking to just a few people... it’s as much as my bandwidth takes,” she smiles.

Sandesh’s first reaction is what anyone would feel in his place. “Several get-togethers back-to-back can be tough and the first feeling is to want to get out of it,” he says.

Over time, his circle has understood. 

“I guess eventually people around you get to know. They realise that you are not very enthusiastic, so you don’t get called as much unless it is absolutely mandatory. I’m not very frequent on the social scene now. If I do go, a few things help: discussions about office or a recent sporting event,” he says. 

His go-to tip? “In every party, there is one odd person who is also an introvert or standing in a corner. They are happy to stand with you, and you are happy to hang around in that area. That’s how I have seen my social evenings go by.” 

Expert-backed tips  

It may seem like a sea of struggles here for introverts, but just spinning the issue around its axis changes things. We got experts to hand out key pointers:

Make it your advantage 

Psychiatrist Dr Shefali Batra brings up an important point to remember. She says the thing about introversion isn't that such people don't like to have fun. It's just that their ideas of fun are different and not very people focused. 

“Starting out by making small conversation. Also, there will always be a handful of people who even the introvert can connect with. They can enjoy the activities or observe others from a distance, focus on the food; or indulge more in parties with shows or fashion displays or dances or singing.”

She shares a way to swing things in your favour: “If you're already there, focus on the part that doesn't intimidate you and what might qualify as fun. I knew someone who was an introvert, but wanted to meet her daily steps’ goal, so she'd dance happily at the parties because dancing was easier for her than conversing with people. Her fitness tracker made her stay on the dance floor. 

“At office parties someone would focus on the activities and games usually planned to get people to engage. But my client would do it to win. And the mission of engaging was accomplished.”

Use the three R’s to recharge batteries 

Business coach Rajiv Talreja brings up three R’s to use that can help introverts wean off that social season stress… 

Reflection time

Introverts thrive on taking time off to reflect on their life. Journaling one's thoughts, making a gratitude list, creating a dream list or a bucket list are among the best ways for an introvert to indulge themselves.

Relaxation time

Get away to a spa, a vacation, a staycation, a retreat, or a camp. Pampering oneself is the perfect recipe for the holiday season.

Recreation time

List all those unwatched movies, series, and documentaries, and become one with your couch if a no-brainer holiday season is what you are looking for. 

And when in doubt, always look towards family. Spending some much-needed, quality time with your near and dear ones can be the perfect ingredient for that downtime.

(*Name has been changed to protect identity)