‘I refuse to let others’ actions define me; I am not a victim’

There is that one moment in all our lives which changes everything, makes us who we are or breaks us into who we would end up becoming.

I have seen a lot of people respond to such situations in their lives. For some people going through a terrible illness can make them appreciate life better, or there are some who having lost a loved one can lose all hope as well. I have respected even the ones who disregarded everything they had. A moment is a moment, no matter how big it actually is, its importance is determined by an individual, not judged by the society.

You must be wondering who is this wise philosopher, and what’s her story?

My story is different. I have had a series of incidents which could be considered life changing until of course the real one happened. As a teenager, I broke my nose after a stone hit me while I was on a train – this could have changed my life. Or finding passion in my career and getting married to the most wonderful guy I have ever known – these were definitely life-changing moments.

But none of these came close to that unfortunate day when an unsuspecting man, in an act of vengeance, threw acid on me. I can say I found my courage in those numerous surgeries I underwent, the pain and the agony. I would have liked to believe I found peace in acceptance and the spirit for survival.

But I didn’t. That peace and survival spirit came to me from a deeper core; from the two beautiful gifts God bestowed upon me later in my life — my daughters. The happiness of those events and the new role of a mother changed me forever.

In my dreams, I see my old face in the mirror — scared of pimples and afraid that I will have a sun burn. I would experiment with so many beauty products for pimples and fairness, but now I don’t fight with beauty products. I fight to look normal…without eyebrows, no hairline…how can I look?

People always turn around to stare. Children shout out in horror. Some ask their mother what happened to that woman. Some follow me, some hide from me. Once a kid in my neighbourhood said she hates me. She said she didn’t like my face, my eyes, my lips, my hands…she said I am “yuck!”

If you asked me right now what is the defining moment of my life; I would answer neither of the above. I would proudly acknowledge that it was when I decided to take control of my life. As I gained confidence and courage in myself I believed that anything that happened to me without my consent and something that is not in my power to alter cannot define me. My peace was the acceptance of those memories and letting them fade away and be replaced by the new ones I am building.

This realisation struck me hard in the face and spread through my veins like blood. Yes, I have suffered in my life, and yes I have no clue why, so what? These events, the attack, the aftermath and what followed were never in my hands, nothing I could have done could have altered it, but what I do now is my decision, it surely is hell lot more difficult than it sounds but so am I, I’m a hard nut to crack.

Don’t call me a brave heart because some heartless person tried to destroy my life. I don’t need sympathy. I need support. I might have lost few precious years of my life, my health but I have not lost my identity and my dreams. Neither have I lost my spirit that says never give up, nor the love that I will always hold dear.

Today I am proud of my accomplishment and contribution to Atijeevan Foundation. The only thing driving me is my simple thought process, “I am not a victim, I am an ‘ambassador’ of hope. I have to fight for others who need my support at this moment.”

There are people with two different attitudes, ones who take the path always grumbling along the way, while the others who follow the grateful path, and I have learned to see the glass half full.

Here I stand as proof that I’m not what happened to me, I’m not my face, I’m what I make of myself. I’m a story with a happy ending.

Know more about Atijeevan and their work with acid-burn survivors at: www.atijeevanfoundation.org