'Every sane voice counts. Every attempt to make a positive difference counts': Yamini Ramesh on her short film 'She is me'

Are you a woman? Do you live in India? If so, that’s criteria enough for you to have been molested at least once (if we’re being charitable) in your life. Be it while boarding a bus, attending a crowded event or simply walking down the street- eve teasers, opportunists or hardened criminals somewhere would have violated your privacy and your person. Irrespective of age or background, this is every woman’s truth in this country. “Every girl in India has been raped. In an everyday ass-grabbing way or in a bus by multiple men. I have been raped. Every woman reading this article has been raped. And that’s why this is so important. I believe that every sane voice counts, every attempt to make a positive difference counts. This is why I set out to do it at all. However, the film became more and more important to me as I went about meeting people and talking to them. The amount of injustice and suffering that I witnessed is something that was aching to scream, and it was important for it to be heard,” says Yamini Ramesh, creator of She is me.

Yamini is in her early twenties, a media professional working in Mumbai. She didn’t have any prior filmmaking experience and is neither looking to pursue one actively for now. For her, making a film like, ‘She is me’, was cathartic. It was her way of making her voice count. “She Is Me is a film about crimes against women, primarily in and around New Delhi. Of course, the NCR serves as a microcosm for the country at large. Each story told in the film is gut-wrenching. Yet, these stories, terrifyingly enough, are real – not only for those included in this film, but for all of India. It’s not just an Aruna Shanbaug, a Bhanwari Devi, a Scarlett Keeling, or a Nirbhaya – all of the women in India suffer terribly because of the way these crimes have flourished in our society. Sympathy just won’t cut it anymore. It’s time we realize that we are one, that their suffering is our suffering, that they are all us, every victim I hear about on the news is also me. She is me.”

Yamini started working on the film while still an undergrad. Resources were minimal, but she had loyal friends to help her out. “I had a team of four, willing to come with me and do this. We had two DSLRs on us. We stayed at relatives’ places and travelled around by the metro and local buses. Looking back, it was probably a blessing to not have any luxury. It kept us focused on and rooted to the project. Of course, I wish we’d had the budget for better equipment,” she muses.

Yet, given her lack of resources, she managed to feature some seriously cool A listers to speak out about her cause. “We managed that because these people are absolutely wonderful. We didn’t have any contacts in high places as such. Kiran Bedi and Arnab Goswami are two people we got in touch with through intensive networking, and all the rest we just emailed and messaged and they agreed to meet us. In some cases, it was just about showing up and hoping for the best. Things did work out eventually,” she says happily.

There are somethings she wishes she could have done better. “Sound, sound, sound. I really do wish we had mics and hence, crystal clear audio recording. It’s audible, but it’s not professional. This was also my first film and I had very little knowledge and experience back then, so I think the background sound isn’t quite right. That’s the criticism part. Mostly, the film has got great, great feedback. I would love to quote everything, but people have written essay-length messages to me after watching the film. Victims of such crimes from within my own friends and family and they have opened up to me about what they have gone through and thanked me for raising the issue well. Unfortunately, very few people have watched the film, but fortunately, those that have, have really appreciated it.”

This is a film founded solely on human effort. Very little money went into making it, and none is intended to be earned from it. Yamini wanted to document her experiences and opinions, and of those featured in the film, to contribute towards the larger conversation. She has no plan to market it or pander it to a larger audience. “I don’t have a plan. It’s hard to sell something that you’re so emotionally connected to. I made this film in 2012 and I didn’t even put it up anywhere until now. But recently, I’d been reading a lot about these crimes and I decided that even if it makes a miniscule difference, it would be worth putting the film out there. Of course, I’d love for it to be watched by the entire country, I’d love for it to wake people up and change mind sets. But how is a question I don’t have an answer to yet,” she says.

The film has been as much a journey of personal becoming as it has been about raising awareness, “I wouldn’t say that the making of this film has changed me, because I always felt that sense of empathy that I feel today. But yes, seeing it all first-hand does hit you hard, and it did hit me. I have cried with a mother whose daughter was killed by her in-laws because she couldn’t bear a child. That kind of thing, you never forget. It has changed my life in the way that making the world around me a better, safer and fairer place for everyone to live in is high up on my priority list, and I’ve sworn to achieve as much of that goal as I possibly can,” she shares.

The fact that making a documentary of this scale did not produce half the challenges that she expected it to was a sign that this film was calling to be made. “It’s almost unbelievable, that making a film like this can be smooth, but it was. I wish I could tell you a dramatic story about how I beat a million odds to do it, but everything just did work in our favour. My team was very cooperative and helpful. All the important people we spoke to allowed us their time promptly and shared so much so honestly. If I must look back at challenges, it was probably that we were on a strict deadline for the project. Also, that after the first trip to Delhi, we realized that we hadn’t really touched the grassroots the way we’d want to. So we decided to take another trip – which was the best decision we ever made for the film. And lastly, girls, we ourselves were subjected to enough eve-teasing on the roads of Delhi,” recalls Yamini.

That is not to say the journey was a smooth one. “The worst thing is when some people tell me that it doesn’t make a difference, and nothing will make a difference. It does. It does. It does. It will. It will. It will,” she says adamantly. And indeed, these cries of negativity were far offset by the affirmations that came her way. “My satisfaction comes from having worked on something so honestly, and having created something that really matters,” she relishes.

For Yamini, ‘She is me,’ is a representation of what she, and every Indian woman for that matter, yearn for our society to be. “Kiran Bedi says in the film, that we ought to stop giving or accepting aashirwaad that says “putra ho.” Kavita Krishnan says that these crimes are a punishment to women for crossing the boundaries that have been set for them. It’s not just the rapist that punishes a woman for daring to cross that line – it’s our society. The change, therefore, has to stem from there. I hope the film causes that mind shift. I also want people to realize how widespread this problem is and how deep peoples’ sufferings are. We cannot go on living in a comfortable state of oblivion. I want every single individual to actively work towards eliminating crimes such as these,” she says earnestly.

Though little known, the film has been suffused with praise by those who’ve seen it. For many, this would have been encouragement enough to embark on this career full time. But Yamini reasserts that making this film was important because of the sake of the film, not her. And though she is looking to create a meaningful body of work in her life, she is happy being where she is at the moment.“Nothing is on the cards yet, but of course, this is a problem that I will either solve or die trying, so as and when I can take the time off the rest of my life, or get a good opportunity to collaborate with others who are similarly driven, I will work towards it. I’m young and the idea is to work on building a strong voice now, and then saying all that the world needs to hear. In another decade or so I hope to have made a significant impact towards the cause,” she says.

She may be young, but there lies a wise head on those shoulders. And it is the young like her who are coming out in droves to make a change. Here’s hoping Yamini’s efforts inspired you to step out of your comfort zone and made you think of contributing to an idea or cause you are passionate about. For it will help the cause, whatever that is. But ultimately, and more importantly, it will help you.

As she puts it, “Making the film made the darker side of our world so much more real to me. It wasn’t just a news item anymore. It was something I’d felt myself. So I just want to tell everyone that it could be you. It’s the most morbid thing to say, but it should be said. It could be you, it could be someone you love. I swear, the solution lies in imagining that rod tearing through your own intestines, and feeling the helplessness, the injustice and pain until you can bear no more. Imagine having your six year old child being raped. Imagine your married daughter being forced to drink acid by her in laws. Dwell on the sadness and unfairness of all this and see if you can avoid the guilt of not doing a thing to change all that. See if you want to give your children a world like this. I am certain that you don’t, and that you will change the world for the better.”