Navigating the grief of losing a pet

For Anumita Shukla, a 42-year-old lawyer from Kolkata, Pixie was more than just a cat— she was family. After going through an ugly divorce with her partner of 14 years in 2016, she was lonely and yearned for companionship. 

A few months later, Shukla adopted a kitten at the insistence of a friend. Pixie’s presence brought so much joy and love into her life, helping her deal with the fallout of her situation.

Little did she know that this joy would be a fleeting presence a few years later, when Pixie died. Since her death a few months ago, Shukla has developed insomnia and high blood pressure. 

“It's hard to live my life without her. Pixie was by my side when I was at my lowest. When many of my friends got tired of listening to my woes, I didn't know what to do. Pixie would slowly crawl into my lap and look at me with the most adorable eyes—her love was enough to forget all my worries,” Shukla tells YS Life. 

It's not just Shukla who has had to deal with these feelings. The pain of losing a pet can be debilitating and trigger several emotions that those without pets may not fully understand. 

“Grieving the loss of a pet is natural even if others find it funny or beyond their understanding. But there's nothing to feel ashamed about. However, it's important to process your emotions with time so that you don't remain in pain all your life,” advises Paromita Sinha, an independent counselling psychologist from Madurai. 

YS Life speaks to experts to find out how pet owners can cope with the grief of losing their pets. 

Why losing a pet is hard

Hyderabad-based fitness instructor Paritosh Kumar never expressed any strong emotions. As someone who calls himself ‘stereotypically masculine’, he would never let any situation impact him. 

But all hell broke loose when his pet Sherpa died in an accident right before his eyes. 

“I was inconsolable and felt it was the end of the world. I couldn't get myself to eat or sleep for many days after his death. I didn't even face this when I had a breakup or was laid off from a job. But my pet was my world–I was heartbroken,” he adds. 

Losing a pet can be a deeply emotional experience, often as painful as losing a family member, points out Ruchi Ruuh, an independent counselling psychologist based in Delhi. 

Sinha agrees that any relationship where there's love involved can cause pain when it ends. 

“As humans, we are wired to be this way. When you get a pet home, you make them a part of your family. You raise them like your own child, celebrate your highs and share your lows with them. So why would you not grieve their loss when they leave your side?” she reiterates. 

“Besides, the love of a pet is unconditional and they are there for you without any expectations. That also makes the relationship so much more special,” adds Sinha. 

Healthy coping mechanisms 

While there's no fixed time frame to grieve the loss of a pet, it's important to start with baby steps to deal with the situation better. 

To begin with, Ruuh advises pet owners to acknowledge and understand that it's normal to feel sad, angry or lonely. The idea is to never suppress any emotions and to cry it out whenever the need arises. 

It's also common for self-care to take a backseat, especially when a person loses a pet. Ruuh advises pet owners to try and keep a routine even then, ensuring that they eat properly and sleep on time. Additionally, the importance of getting support from loved ones cannot be emphasised enough. 

For some people, engaging in daily or weekly rituals that remind them of their pet can help. There’s no one right way of doing this–it could be lighting a candle, saying a prayer or dedicating a time of the day to remember the pet. 

Also, it's important to honour the passing of the animal through a memorial or burial. This will help with a certain level of closure. 

“It could be anything from planting a tree, creating a photo album, or crafting a special piece of art in memory of your pet. There are many services that help you transform memories into keepsakes,” says Ruuh. 

Lastly, helping other animals can also be therapeutic for some. “It can work as a way to honour your pet’s memory. Go to your local shelter and do something nice for other animals. Contribute your time or make donations to help others,” she concludes.