Who gets the pet’s custody after a breakup?

In the Turkish show, Thank You, Next on Netflix, Leyla, a young lawyer who was in a live-in relationship with her partner Ömer, calls it quits after finding out he had cheated on her. 

The couple share a dog, Buddy, who seems to be the centre of their lives. While Leyla chooses to keep him, Ömer insists he's the one who has taken care of him from the beginning. Eventually, he files for the custody of his beloved pet. 

While there are pet custody laws in countries like the US, Argentina and Spain, there is no definitive law dealing with pet custody in India, even at a time when an increasing number of millennials and Gen Z are choosing to raise pets over children. 

“Unfortunately, there are no clear-cut policies regarding the possession of the pet when partners separate. We have laws regarding animal welfare, but nothing on this,” shares advocate Rohan Gupta, who has been practising since 2013 in the courts of Delhi-NCR, with YS Life. 

In recent times, the spat between politician Mahua Moitra and her estranged romantic partner, lawyer Jai Anant Dehradai, was in the news over the custody of their Rottweiler, Henry. 

Dehradai on Twitter accused Moitra of “kidnapping” the dog after he had filed a complaint against her with the CBI for accepting bribes. After fighting it out in court, Dehradai got his pet back. 

How can couples arrive at a decision of who keeps the pet? Is there a way to make the process simpler? YS Life digs deep. 

A mutual decision 

Twisha Kumar, a marketing professional from Bengaluru, met her partner Anant five years ago on a dating app. They bonded over their shared love for dogs and adopted a pug within a year of their relationship, when they decided to move in together. 

The initial few years were blissful. However, with increased responsibilities at work, the couple barely had any time for each other. They tried to make the relationship work, but too much bitterness had crept in due to unfulfilled emotional needs. 

Eventually, they decided to split. The hardest part, Kumar admits, was to let her dog Roxy be under the care of her partner, in the absence of adequate financial resources to support her. 

“We realised it would be best if Roxy stays with Anant, since he was more capable of looking after her financially. I meet her every weekend, ever since our relationship ended six months ago. It was something we mutually decided since she's so dear to both of us and I can't go without seeing her,” Kumar confesses. 

That's what most couples in India follow, points out Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert and author of Love, Lust and Lemons. In the absence of legal policies around pet ownership, the decision is often mutual between partners, considering the best interests of the pet. 

Sometimes, ugly fights may ensue around who gets to have their furry companion on special occasions like birthdays or festivals. 

“In an out-of-court settlement, most couples decide who will keep the custody of the pet. It may also be decided verbally between two parties,” adds Gupta.

It's also crucial to figure out who the pet is more attached to. While they may love everyone in the family, there's one person they want to be around the most. “The pet should ideally be with that person. However, what's important is that they get a balanced environment and attention, and requisite financial support,” reiterates Shivdasani. 

There are a few couples who also choose to give their dogs or cats to a pet shelter. However, it isn't as common. 

Dealing with mental health struggles 

Breaking up with a partner is hard, and to lose a pet to that person can make it worse. 

Saksham Singh, a former automobile journalist from Mumbai, suffered from depression after his pet Maxie was taken away by his partner after she walked out of the seven-year-old relationship. 

Since the breakup was ugly between the couple, Singh’s ex cut all ties with him and pointedly asked him not to meet the dog. It was difficult for him to accept this decision. The constant stress and anxiety took a toll on his mental health. 

“In such cases, following a routine and establishing self-care practices like exercising and meditating regularly can help to deal with a situation like this. It's also important to have open communication with your ex, and being honest and transparent with each other,” recommends Shivdasani. 

For most couples, establishing boundaries around what the relationship is going to be like with the pet is imperative. “One must also discuss if you could still be in touch with the pet, and also how often you could meet them, understanding that it's a different relationship beyond the bond that both of you shared as a couple,” she concludes.