I had cancer, cancer never had me
It's been 6 years now but I remember it as if it was yesterday, summer vacation had just started. I was in 12th class, the most important year of my school life or rather my academic life. Life was on a roller coaster - parties and traveling different parts of India with friends and family and on the other hand, solving equations from H.C Verma and trying to understand complex organic compounds.
And then one night all of a sudden, I started feeling pain in my left femur (thigh bone) and it was intense as if hundreds of bees were stinging me at the same time. It was not like any usual pain, It was big, it was different, I could sense something big was coming on my way. We decided to go through wholesome of tests like blood tests, X-ray, MRI, CT scan, whole body scan, biopsy; name any test and I would say Yes! I did that test too just to get the clearer picture. Those were hectic days with so many tests line up, but the worse was yet to come my way.
'The Judgement Day' : Mom and dad with my uncle went to collect the reports in the morning followed by various visits to numerous doctors for their opinion. They came back home in the evening and suddenly my mom started crying as soon she entered the house. I could just see them partially and hear them whispering something from another room. I could manage to hear just one word "Cancer" and osteo something -something.
The first reaction of most of the people of my age is to Google everything. Big - Big Mistake! You will get only depressed by seeing that. Google is just raw unforgiving statistics collected from various resources which ain't true always and all humans tend to assume the bleakest outcome presented will be yours. There exist some common universal feelings, one of which is a fact that No one feels fortunate when diagnosed with something as big as Cancer. The feeling of impending doom is definitely common.
I was never afraid of death in my life, never. But, I was scared stiff thinking that my mom will do something to her if something wrong happened to me. Seeing your mom and dad crying in next room is never an easy task for a child. There is a certain cloud, a dark smog that can invade your life when you're talking about life and death. We were floored by the diagnosis. It was devastating, it was inconceivable because I was healthy, never touched alcohol or smoked a cigarette ever in my short span of life. For a while, me and my family lived in it. Not long, but for a time.
We did everything we possibly could no matter what the doctor told us. We really had no choice. And the funny part of life, when you are diagnosed with something big, the whole universe conspires to motivates you. There were times when they motivated me and there were times I motivate my parents too.
I knew that a long not so easy journey was coming I cannot run away from, never wanted to run away either honestly as I was ready for this test, for me, for my parents, for us. Believe me, it was one of the toughest phase of my life. I was with my mom living in an unknown city called Mumbai fighting one of the scariest villain anyone could come across. I was becoming weak, ugly with every cycle of chemo, wasn't able to do my daily chores by myself. I was made to walk with crutches, which at starting of the time I hated the most; later become a blessing in disguise. My mom - the bravest and the most beautiful lady I know was my biggest strength. She was doing her best just to make sure that I never stop, never give up, always stand up and walk after every fall I had. I can blindly say she gave me birth not once but twice, literally.
From the very beginning, I didn't allow cancer to get the better of me. I never allowed cancer to make me its victim. I've always called myself a 'shameless cancer patient' because I would just laugh things off and embrace them as an experience - but I think that's the only thing that got me out of 8 chemos and 5 successful operations. When you’re starting a war of this kind, every move you make, every damn thing you do counts. I think that’s the best possible way to get through it: day-by-day.
Before I got cancer I was always on the go, a wreckless selfish human being, I never cared about anything or anyone, not even my close ones. It took a life-threatening disease for me to slow down, stop, and think where was I wrong, where I need to change and what I actually wanted out of my life,- "A peaceful healthy life with your loved one around you" a small dream I am living now.
