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How to look confident even when you don’t feel

In this article, you will learn how to acquire one of the most desirable human quality, that is confidence, even when when you do not feel it. You may have heard the phrase, “fake it until you make it”. You will learn how to behave in ways that would show confidence to others and become the most confident person in the group.

Vartika Kashyap 20 Stories

Tuesday May 02, 2017 , 5 min Read

There are several situations where one might lose their confidence. Maybe when interacting with your boss, parents, people you are attracted to, co-workers or strangers? Or maybe when someone is more attractive than you, or more popular on social media, better educated or smarter? Or during public speaking, job performance or interviewing for a job?

We have all been in such situations some or other time. I believe, in such situations you will have to fake confidence to overcome yourself from the insecurity of low confidence. As self-confidence and happiness are closely connected, so pretend it well and keep the things under your control.

One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is self-worth and self-confidence. Let me show you a big picture of confidence by talking about Bill Gates.

Bill Gates said he'd be a millionaire by 30. This was in his 20's when he was still building Microsoft. But he actually ended up becoming a Billionaire by the time he was 31 years old.

That's some serious self-confidence.

Most of us definitely would love to appear confident, even when we are not. Those moments when you are performing something important and something you love, but you are all worried inside. In such moments, make a conscious effort to build your confidence, and if you can’t, just fake it!

There are ways that can make you look confident even when you are not feeling it. Let’s see what are those ways:

Quieting the lizard brain

A part of our brain - lizard brain, is fairly in charge of our negativity, fear, and anxiety. When we are not feeling confident, we are stressed, and the more stressed we are the more Amygdala, an organ of our brain, gets activated. It increases the negativity and fear in our brain. This way lizard brain is controlling us.

Treat your brain with love and compassion to quieten your lizard brain. Get yourself in a state of balance by following practices like deep breathing and enter into a confident state.

Build a good body language

Your body language is the fastest way of judging your confidence level. Use your body to show your thoughts and expressions in a strategic way. If you don’t have a good posture, you will exhibit very low confidence. Bad posture will also give you back pain and will show that you are lazy.

According to a study by Harvard Business School, at times, when we are nervous and not confident, we shrink our body so we are less noticed. Stand up tall as you can, pull up your shoulders, keep your chin high and look straight ahead, this will eventually help you to stand up confidently. When you meet someone, shake hands firmly, this will show your sense of confidence.

Focus your attention on the other person

Do you take your eyes off while you are talking to someone or when they are talking to you? Yes? Then it clearly shows you are nervous and shaky. Try to gaze into their eyes when you are shaking inside, and not look away during the conversation.

An article by study body language on The Importance of Eye Contact reveals that “people who maintain eye contact are usually perceived as more reliable, warm, sociable, honest, confident and active”. Somehow many of you would look into your phone just to avoid that eye contact. That sends the feeling of annoyance and is deceitful. So, avoid your phone to create more comfortable productive atmosphere.

Put up questions

Say you are just introduced by your friend to some new person. And you are not good at talking to strangers. Now you feel out of water, unprepared and nervous. You fear how to present yourself and what will they ask you. Instead of this fear of unknown questions, just ask them those questions that are revolving in your mind.

This will give you time to prepare yourself to present yourself and come back to normal. Put all the focus on asking questions, rather than getting nervous on how to answer their questions. This will show your confident and create a good impression.

Maintain your voice tone

Do not doubt yourself when you are talking. Nervous and self-doubt usually leads to mess while talking. If you are talking too fast or if you answer the questions in hurry, it shows you lack confidence. Slow down the speed of your voice and avoid using question inflection on your statements.

Whenever you talk, be sure of your words by talking in an authoritative tone. If your words are meaningless, people will not consider you serious and will doubt you always. Act confidently like you absolutely are well aware of whatever you are talking.

Confidence is not about changing yourself, it just means to be a bit more sure of what you are. Do not forget to act confident even when you are stressed. Behave in ways that will show your confidence. Fake it until you make it and see how you will be able to impress people around you.

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About Author

Vartika Kashyap is the Marketing Manager at ProofHub (https://www.proofhub.com/) — a project management software for your growing business needs. She is a seasoned marketing professional who is an expert in digital marketing and entrepreneurship. She’s been featured among LinkedIn’s Top Voices for the year 2016, and is also a contributor for The Next Web, Huffington Post & Your Story. She is also a top writer in Leadership & Productivity on Medium. Connect with Vartika on LinkedIn, Medium and Twitter.