Creating a mental “well-nest” for the LGBTQIA+ workforce

Have you ever performed in a play? You are given a character with a different name, backstory, appearance, way of speaking, and way of emoting. 

On the first day of rehearsals, it’s an uphill struggle to shed who you have always been. But slowly, you get the hang of it, there’s a rush to this challenge, and it feels like victory when the audience bursts into applause. The curtains fall, and it’s over. 

But then, imagine if the director came and told you that everyone loved your performance so much that you’d have to stick to that character all the time. Now, that pretense becomes a burden. Slowly, you feel like you’ve lost a grasp on reality because you can only be yourself during fleeting moments of solitude. Your mind becomes a dark, suffocating place, slowly extinguishing your innate brightness.

This sounds like an absurd nightmare, but it’s not much different from what many from the LGBTQIA+ community face every day, because those around them are more comfortable with the assumed character than with the real person.

As corporates, we can’t heal the world on our own. Longstanding social conditioning, prejudices, and practices will only gradually break down. However, we do have the power to move the needle. One of the most potent ways we can effect change is by conscious inclusion of LGBTQIA+ colleagues and prioritising their mental well-being. 

The burden of always being alert

Many members of the LGBTQIA+ workforce are only selectively out in their lives because they simply don’t know how others will react. 

When someone asks me what I did last weekend, I don’t hesitate to say that I spent it with my husband, kids, and grandkids. But if this were someone from the LGBTQIA+ community, they would have to do a great deal of split-second analysis. They may want to say, “I just celebrated my second anniversary with my partner,” “I had a big fight with my parents about my gender identity,” or “I was walking down the street, and someone made an inappropriate remark about me,” but eventually, they might simply say, “Oh… nothing special.”

Many of us proudly display our family pics at the office or have these as our profile pictures on WhatsApp and other social media..  Are we conscious that many from the queer community find that this is not as simple, because of their fear of being judged or discriminated against?

Of course, everyone has the right to keep their private life private. But we spend the bulk of our weekdays in an office, and it is natural to form connections there. At some point, personal and professional lives are bound to overlap. 

There is a fear—especially amongst queer colleagues—that often stops an honest response in its tracks. The fear of getting an involuntary grimace, being talked about in hushed tones, retaliatory behaviour, rejection, conscious and unconscious biases, microaggressions, and stunted career prospects.

Let’s assume you still believe that not being able to share your personal life isn’t a deal breaker. What about things that can hurt your business?

The way we receive, analyse, process, and present information draws from our unique lived experiences, which is why our actions and reactions are unique. Picture a team brainstorming session. That room of brilliant minds includes a queer colleague who has something pivotal to contribute. But they hesitate because they know this insight draws from a life they hide from others in the room, or they express their thoughts less confidently because what’s “normal” for them may seem “weird” to others. The insight never gets conveyed, and the impact is muted.

This isn’t just a loss for the individual but for the organisation. In today’s world, talent is a big strategic competitive advantage. If your people don’t feel secure being themselves, or feel their best physically and mentally, they can’t put their best foot forward. Consequently, you lose the power of thousands of unconventional ideas and approaches.

The burden of always being alert means constantly calculating whether your actions or words will lead to unjust outcomes. I have heard this from many people in the queer community and it stays with me, “Coming out isn’t a one-time act. We constantly have to come out to multiple people in varying situations and face the possible consequences.” 

Add to this the challenges that these individuals would be facing with their families, and we can imagine the mental stress this creates. So how can organisations be more supportive?

Here's what you can do as employers:

• Commitment to the Embassy Model: This is the foundation of creating safe spaces. By committing to this model, you signal that regardless of the outside world, your offices will be a haven of respect and inclusivity. For LGBTQIA+ colleagues who are under mental duress as they work towards embracing their identities, the embassy model provides much-needed relief. It demonstrates the pre-existence of, or the employer’s resolve to introduce queer-inclusive practices soon.  

• The ins and outs of coming out: The number of people who have come out shouldn’t be your barometer of success. As people embrace their identity, close colleagues and work friends are likely to be amongst those they confide in. Firms will benefit from conducting sensitisation sessions for team leaders and members alike, ensuring that when someone chooses to share, they don’t experience undue mental stress. These sessions should cover basics such as biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation (I’m a big fan of the “genderbread” person illustration); guidance on inclusive language, terms, and behaviours; awareness of how unconscious biases can creep in and how to avoid them; and general guidance on what to do if someone comes out to you. I also feel that starting these sessions with a “privilege check” can be effective. These checks demonstrate everyday things that the heterosexual community may take for granted which aren’t experienced the same way by LGBTQIA+ people due to socio-legal barriers.

• Zero-tolerance for retaliatory behaviour: Professionals often shy away from coming out at work due to potentially undesirable consequences and mental stress. Organisations must make their anti-discrimination, anti-harassment, and anti-retaliation policies inclusive of the queer community. This should be communicated clearly across the organisation. If someone chooses to come out, it should not be nerve-wracking.  

• Professional support: Many corporates now have confidential counselling helplines for employees and their loved ones. They are certainly helpful when professionals find themselves in situations of extreme mental stress that conventional support systems can’t address. It is time to go a step further and ensure that your helpline is equipped to deal with specific issues of the LGBTQIA+ community. Queer individuals need affirmation that when they confide in counsellors, no one will pull the age-old “this is a passing phase” excuse or attempt to “cure” them of their “unnatural affliction”. Within the queer community too, there is a difference between the stressors that cisgendered individuals face, and those that non-binary people face. Counsellors must be equipped to deal with the latter too.

• Peer support: Loneliness is a soul-crushing feeling. As a society, we are very heteronormative and LGBTQIA+ issues are not discussed in homes (or in most schools). So, it is natural that queer individuals may grow up not meeting someone else like them until much later. As an organisation, having employee resource groups (ERGs) reassures such individuals that they are part of a community and that they too are “normal”. It is important for organisations to emphasise that everyone is “normal”, and it is just that the sexual orientation or gender identity challenges are different for those from the community. In countries like ours where pop-culture representation of the queer community is still low, and images of happy, successful LGBTQIA+ people are often from the West, such forums provide much needed relatability. The group also introduces them to the world of allies. ERGs are a great way for this group to socialise, discuss events, and brainstorm about what the organisation can do next.

• Inclusive practices, but with sensitivity and confidentiality: It’s encouraging that many future-focused organisations have introduced a host of inclusive initiatives like preferred pronouns, gender-agnostic policy language, inclusive washrooms, insurance benefits for same-sex couples, customised health check-ups, awareness sessions, external speakers, etc. But there may still be resistance in uptake because people may fear getting “labelled”, especially if they’re not out at work. For initiatives such as insurance and health check-ups, organisations can consider a confidential enrolment process with a dedicated point of contact— somebody who is an ally or a community member.

• Tone from the top: A peer once shared that when they started having periodic experience-sharing/speaker sessions, many interested allies were hesitant to attend in person out of fear of getting labelled. Seeing senior leaders openly speak in support of the LGBTQIA+ community, attend and endorse such events, and periodically communicate internally and externally about queer inclusion, can instill the necessary confidence among allies and queer employees.  

The rainbow at the end of the tunnel

All of this will take time and patience. There will be missteps, failures, and frustrations. But remember that it’s worth it because, through these interventions, you’re enabling a section of the workforce that has long been invisible to shed the unfortunate mental stress they have come to see as an unavoidable part of their lives. May this Pride Month be the start of a better tomorrow.

(Saraswathi Kasturirangan is Chief Happiness Officer, Deloitte India.)

(Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of YourStory.)