[100 Emerging Women Leaders] Sexual trauma therapist Neha Bhat explores inter-generational trauma, relationships, and shame in new book

As a clinical sex-focused trauma therapist, Neha Bhat practices psychotherapy from a creative, art-based, and multicultural lens.

With trauma therapy training and practice in both India and the US, she is well-known for her work in demonstrating the connect between mental and sexual health. In her 15 years of practice, she has been witnessing the sexual-emotional realities faced by people of Indian origin and the taboo surrounding these topics.

Her recently-released book Unashamed-Notes from the Diary of a Sex Therapist is like a breath of fresh air in a society that often hushes discussions on inter-generational trauma, sex, sexuality, and the intricacies surrounding inter-personal relationships.

“I think shame is the root of a lot of disorder, dysfunction, and repetition of patterns. I am different from other practitioners because I am not a sex educator. I am also not a conventional psychotherapist who goes through worksheets—I kind of bring both together and look at the holistic view of a person,” she tells HerStory.

A life full of questions

Bhat’s premise for the book rises from the identity crisis we all go through. She says there are simple and complex questions that plague us. Should menarche be celebrated? Should I get married at 18 or at 35 years? Should I get married at all, how is marriage relevant?

“The root of all these comes from not being able to have a safe space in society to work these questions out. Which brings shame to the forefront. I did not want this book to focus on sex, mental health or trauma but focus on the root case,” she adds.

Seventeen years ago, Bhat became interested in art as a form of therapy. Early in her career she worked in slum schools in Mumbai where she heard many stories of abuse. This led her on the path towards studying trauma and therapy training. She applied to different scholarships and has master’s degrees in Buddhist-based trauma therapy and clinical therapy. She spent 11 years in the US working in the prison systems in Detroit and Chicago and at a rape crisis centre.

This led Bhat to delve deep into the subject and understand the various facets of trauma healing that she says goes beyond “healed” or “unhealed”. She also started India’s first group therapy for people who have perpetrated rape and also those who survived rape as children.

Unashamed is a culmination of these diverse experiences. In the book, Bhat offers anecdotes, case studies, and information.

Divided into four parts, the book begins with an important question—why do we need to be unashamed? Part 2 urges us to listen to what our shame is trying to say, part 3 examines where this shame comes from, and part 4 concludes with how do we heal shame.

From an Indian perspective

Bhat addresses trauma in various forms. Does she think that because of the social-cultural factors specific to Indian society, a lot of trauma is repressed?

“Absolutely. We don’t have a very verbal culture. We look at Western TV shows and think it’s interesting that all family members sit at the dining table and have conversations. That is not mainstream here; we are not asking, how was your day,” she points out.

Also, psychotherapy still remains a “foreign profession” and there is not a lot of awareness around it. She believes that even today, it’s considered as going to a stranger and chatting and is stigmatised. Since most counselling training programmes approach this from a western view, Bhat has consciously written Unashamed from an Indian perspective.

With a strong focus on inter-generational trauma, Bhat’s work encompasses different generations. She says it’s easy with millennials and Gen Z as they are open to support, help and give tips, even if they are pathologizing everything. Also, it’s the oldest and youngest generations who are going through extreme loneliness, while the Gen Xers have work, purpose, are still able-bodied and look at things differently. In reality, each generation has its own flaws and owns way of coping as well.

A common thread running through different chapters in Unashamed is the emphasis on “inner work”–healing after understanding and awareness.

Bhat believes that it’s an existential problem that most people only come to inner work from extreme crisis.

“People do not go to inner work when things are positive in their life and when it’s homeostasis and when it’s normal. And I do feel in the next 10 years, in this decade, there’s going to be lots of crisis. We will see internal and external conflicts escalating. All our relationships are now on the edge,” she elaborates.

She expresses how this inner work can take precedence and bring meaning to our lives.

“Inner work helps take a step back from the problem at hand. It helps us to see multiple truths out there,” she says. In Unashamed, Bhat nudges the reader to create their own inner work practices by compiling the tools mentioned in it to help alleviate shame, silence and self-judgement in their lives.

On the journey of inner work towards healing, the book also offers journaling prompts and self-exploratory exercises at the end of each chapter for the reader to stop, think, and express their thoughts after imbibing the information that would help them. In essence, it kickstarts a journey of self-discovery that does not just stop at one read.

For readers picking up Unashamed and curious about its contents, Bhat has this to say, “Get ready for a meditative experience of truth-telling and uncovering layers of your mind.”