Never Have I Ever S4 approaches discourse around sex through a mature lens

**Spoiler Alert 

Netflix's American comedy-drama television series Never Have I Ever, inspired by the series writer Mindy Kaling's own life, may appear to be yet another teeny-bopper romance, but there's much more that lies beneath its surface. 

Ever since the first edition released in 2020, I have dedicatedly followed the lead, Indian-American teen and hothead Devi Vishwakumar's (played by Maitreyi Ramakrishnan) character arc. Having binge-watched all seasons, I must admit it's one of the rare pieces of content that is relatable for audiences across age groups. 

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Self-pleasure has become the new self-care for Indian women

Of course, the sauciness quotient of the show is high and keeps you hooked with the drama and dilemmas characteristic of high school.

Locker room conversations featuring desirable young boys and girls, hip parties, alcohol and drugs have been an integral part of the narrative across seasons.

But the storytelling in Season 4 of Never Have I Ever is far more mature than the previous editions. The creators of the show have seamlessly weaved in discourse around pertinent themes like first-time sex, widowhood and sexual desire, and more, without being preachy. 

Read on to know about the few moments from the show that left a deep impact on me. 

Yes, first-time sex is not perfect 

For most curious teens especially in India, porn has been the obvious choice to quell any curiosity around sex. However, what's concerning is the unrealistic portrayal of male and female bodies and the idea that only penetrative sex is pleasurable. 

Moreover, the trope of perfect first-time sex has also been propagated by popular Hollywood and Bollywood films, which puts pressure on young adults to 'perform' in bed. 

Here's the real deal–having sex the first time is likely to be far messier than you've ever imagined, just like how it was for Vishwakumar and her nemesis and long-time crush, Ben Gross (played by Jaren Lewison). In fact, they have a rather awkward conversation after their sexual encounter and that's pretty normal. Not every hormone-charged teen has to mouth the most romantic dialogues after sex. 

Losing your virginity = entry into the cool club 

It's a moment of reckoning for India, particularly with regard to increasing conversations around women's sexual pleasure. However, we can’t ignore that we live in a hypersexualised society that labels or ridicules individuals for not having experienced sex. Yes, it still exists. 

Through all its seasons, Never Have I Ever has brought forth the trials and tribulations of the young Vishwakumar, particularly in her romantic liaisons with her crushes. From the beginning, the show establishes that she desperately wants to have sex only to be accepted into the cool club. 

In the latest season, after she hooks up with Ben Gross, she lets the cat out of the bag before her best friends, Fabiola and Eleanor.

All in all, that particular scene establishes how Vishwakumar and her friends are relieved that they have finally achieved their goal before the end of their senior year. The realistic portrayal of this unfortunate pressure is a brave step by the series creators Kaling and Lang Fisher. 

Older women, too, have sexual desires

Never Have I Ever Season 4 won me over with a romantic pair that I least expected. The creators of the show have beautifully shown the blooming romance between Vishwakumar's paternal grandmother, Nirmala Vishwakumar (played by Ranjita Chakravarty) who they fondly called Pati, and an American, Len. 

When Kamala Nandiwadal (played by Richa Moorjani) walks into the Vishwakumar household unannounced, Pati fumbles and attempts to hide her secret liaison with Len. When Nandiwadal hears of a man clearing his throat, she instantly thinks Pati is being held hostage. 

Gathering all her courage, Pati confesses to Nandiwadal that she has a white boyfriend. Soon after, a heart-to-heart chat follows between the two, where Nandiwadal asks Pati why she kept her partner a secret. 

“Because it’s so shameful. I shouldn’t be flirting about with a boyfriend, like Carrie Bradshaw (of Sex and The City fame). I should be mourning my dead husband, like Carrie Bradshaw,” pat comes the response from Pati. 

When Nandiwadal reassures Pati that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, Pati brings up her widowed mother’s example, who lost her husband at the age 22 and stayed single until 104 when she died. 

“Respectable widows do not move on. Widows should devote their time to their grandchildren, not get involved with a silver fox who drives a Ferrari,” Pati exclaims. 

Pati is ready to end things with Len, but Nandiwadal assures her that they all want her to be happy. 

What I particularly liked about this narrative was how the support of other women steers Pati to be unapologetic about her sexual needs even in old age. Widows are, at least in South Asia, expected to lead solitary lives and put their desires on the back burner. 

Well, that didn't happen here and it is a landmark moment for not just television but South Asian society. Normalising sexual needs and desires in old age was much needed and I am glad this show has sparked a positive dialogue. 

Back home, anthologies like Netflix's Lust Stories 2, which is set to release in the last week of June, shows the grey-haired Neena Gupta speak about sex with sheer abandon. In the past, progressive films like Lipstick Under My Burkha directed by Alankrita Srivastava have given space to the sexual desires of older women–Ratna Pathak Shah’s character, for instance, binges on pulp fiction and lets her sexual fantasies run wild. 

Shows like Never Have I Ever broaching pertinent issues with such sensitivity, and without being sanctimonious will go a long way in making teenagers—and even adults—comfortable about how they approach sex. 

The finale of Vishawakumar's high school journey at Sherman Oaks is bittersweet and it's a joy to see the young adult come into her own. Go watch the show and experience it for yourself! 

As Vishwakumar's therapist Dr Ryan says, "You don't let somebody else define you. When you do that, you give them your power."