Why is romance frowned upon in the modern workplace?
Those conversations by the coffee machine, cross-cubicle smiles, and lunch-hour flirtations have always been an intrinsic part of the workplace. But today love at work seems to be a no-go in many organisations. YS Life explores why.
The famous words “love conquers all” by Roman poet Virgil may be powerful, but they do not seem to be enough to conquer your boss or senior… in the present day at least. For if you are dealing with matters of the heart at office, you may have to get ready to face the heat.
Having a crush on a co-worker is a fairly common occurrence. But today, romantic connections with colleagues are frowned upon and discouraged in many workplaces, and there are even strict rules against them. You might miss a deadline or two or fail at a task—all that’s forgiven. But should you fall in love at the workplace, that’s a nah-nah, as rules don’t allow it.
As people spend a large part of their day interacting with colleagues, it’s only natural that they veer towards those with common interests and feel attracted to them. So why is taking this forward tantamount to committing career hara-kiri?
As Valentine’s Day approaches and everyone’s talking about pink hearts and balloons, YS Life takes a look at why dating a colleague can even get you the pink slip!
Love@work
When Aman Khan, marketing head at a company in Gurugram, hired a lawyer for his office, little did he realise that the lady who walked through the door would become the love of his life. He recalls how he first saw Neha Tandon and was struck by her warm smile and cheerful demeanour.
“As she walked in, she just brightened up the room,” recalls Aman. “I kept things strictly work-related but, over time, Neha and I engaged in so many conversations and we realised we had so much in common,” he says.
Aman asked her out to dinner, and this led to a few more dates, and finally he popped the question. “It was a precarious decision for me as I was in a key position at the company, but the company soon folded up. Had it not, I feel they would have looked for another lawyer,” he says.
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Jyotika Jain remembers how she met Aayush Sahani when she was an associate software engineer at a reputed IT company in Navi Mumbai. Soon Cupid struck and they moved to the dating phase. And then they had to watch out.
“We would always make plans to meet outside along with our team of 40 colleagues. Everyone was in our age group, so it felt chilled out,” says Jyotika. “But back in office, we had to try hard to keep things under wraps as the company had rules.”
But once their relationship status was known, she says Aayush was informed by the organisation that his work was getting affected due to her.
“That wasn’t so. We shared a great vibe, and Aayush actually helped me in my work, and this increased my output. We were also put into different shifts,” says Jyotika.
Aayush adds, “If there are policies, one must respect them. That said, I also wish companies realise that employees are mature adults and know their responsibilities and how to handle things.”
Rules and dating disclosures
Even if there is no formal policy, some companies have rules that discourage workplace dating.
There are many reasons why employers are not keen on office romance and prefer to set clear boundaries. For one, office romance is perceived as a distraction—one that lowers work efficiency. There is also the perception that it can take on an uncomfortable tone, should things turn sour.
Over the last few years, especially after the #MeToo movement, relationship dynamics have come under strict scrutiny at the workplace, with some companies imposing rules and even reportedly firing people for not adhering to them.
Piyush Bharti, Founder and CEO of Radtalent HR Services, affirms this. He says there are companies that demand dating disclosures. These may not be legally binding, but he says he has seen people getting fired on account of this.
“After the #MeToo movement, people are being doubly careful because if things go south, it can jeopardise one’s career and reputation and that of the company; so employers prefer to have a zero-tolerance policy about this,” Piyush says.
He also says MNCs and startups have different views on workplace dating, with the latter having fewer regulations and statutory requirements. “It’s (rules) also seen more in tech companies versus a marketing one, where there’s little control over employees out in the field,” he explains.
Jayita Roy, Director HR, Adecco India, says, as a performance-driven company, Adecco expects the highest ethical standards from colleagues. “While Adecco does not have a specific dating policy, we do have stringent rules on conformance to office decorum to ensure personal involvement does not violate our professional standards and code of conduct.”
She says workplace romances can sometimes lead to allegations of sexual harassment and claims of favouritism and partial treatment.
“Such things often lead to loss of productivity and poor employee morale (for the ones who are not involved). However, this does not indicate that romantic relations in the office are the only reason for distraction for an individual.”
Roopa Jatkar, an associate director at a global multinational IT and consulting company, who has worked in the corporate sector for more than a decade, says a lot of the corporate firms don’t have specific guidelines laid down for dating at the workplace.
“But organisations make sure that there is no potential conflict of interest arising out of the personal equation between two people in the same organisation and the right code of conduct as per the corporate guidelines is followed by the involved parties so as to maintain the decorum of the workplace,” she explains.
What’s the best way to deal with this?
Whether policies and rules exist or not, office romance isn’t going away. So, organisations need to get real and approach it in a realistic manner.
There is no question of prohibition, says Piyush of Radtalent HR Services. “Banning it? No way! I think no third person can really do that.”
Instead organisations must conduct seminars wherein workplace norms and codes of conduct while in office premises must be made clear to employees, he says.
The situation can get complicated if there is power dynamics at play.
Roopa Jatkar says, as a superior, she talks to the people involved in a relationship, in the presence of HR personnel, to check if the situation can cause real or perceived conflict of interest through favouritism or the appearance of favouritism, in order to be fair to other employees.
“To avoid any such situation, we ensure that neither of the two is in a supervisory position to the other, or is in a position where, as per the organisation’s hierarchy, they can influence the decisions of appraisals, promotions, or any financial or hiring decisions,” she explains.
Entrepreneur Veena Ashiya, Founder of footwear brand Monrow Shoes, manages a young team in Bengaluru, comprising Gen Z and millennials, and her outlook towards workplace relationships is more liberal. For her, productivity matters.
“It would be unfair to draw out rules to curb anyone, especially individuals who spend close to 10 hours together at work,” she says. “I’d rather talk to people concerned and explain the principles of productivity at work and what is expected from them.”
As for employees, Piyush advocates maintaining a professional attitude at the workplace. And if one develops feelings for someone, his advice is to keep it under wraps and not share details with colleagues.
“People grow out of crushes, move on, but colleagues get resentful and try to take advantage of things and gossip, and you can be badly hurt. Also, no PDA (public displays of affection) on the job,” he advises.
In the post-pandemic world, where people crave human interaction, it may not be a great idea to spurn the idea of workplace romance. What’s required is a mature approach to it—from both employers and employees.
The bottom line is: as long as human beings continue to populate the workplace, there is always the possibility of romance in the air. How would you go about it?
Edited by Swetha Kannan